Hi, y’all, it’s M
I am just writing something extra so this post gets to the top of the blog again. I would only add I wish I still looked like my pictures on this blog, but some of my hair seems to be missing….
I am the other half of “With Honor and Love”, the guy who wrote the rather silly open letter to the kitchen sink on this blog about five years ago but what seems like a lifetime ago. E, the founder of this project and my other half, gave everyone a hint at what was going on in July 2013 with “Now, Something Completely Different,” and then we just abandoned this blog, or seemingly so.
The only reason I am writing now is because this blog has been abandoned for five years, and I either need to post on it or cancel it since I am paying good money for this piece of cyberspace. So, there’s not going to be many pictures until I feel like posting them. Nothing clever. Hopefully, just some real talk that may or may not encourage someone out there.
So, since July 2013, here is a quick overview of what happened. This part 1– what happened from July 2013 through December 2013
- My new job was too good to be true. Turns out, the reason it was so easy to get hired was because the position churned through lawyers. The company has a reputation for hiring and firing. It was really sink or swim, dog eat dog, and, at least at that point in my life, I couldn’t take that. Too stressful. It was either leave work without a job or just be a shell of myself. I also have to admit that maybe the reason I didn’t ultimately succeed at my first job, or at all in my second job was because I had some bad habits– a whole plethora of them– I needed to work on. Now, I had kicked the biggest one when I moved, but only the sense I wasn’t doing it, not that my inner attitude or all the other habits that go with it had actually changed. Such bad habits were tolerated in my old position; not so much in this one. On the hole, I am grateful that, eventually, I had to leave that position in a hurry. The underemployment (see below) was hard, but it taught me some valuable lessons and made me a better worker, a better person, and a better lawyer.
- My beloved job writing part time, feeling righly jilted because I was neglecting it to try desperately to keep my main job, cut back my workload in a punitive action. More on that later, but I am happy to say trust seems to be restored.
- As the job came cascading down, so did some other things. My son, who has ADHD, was accused of engaging in some verbally aggressive and threatening behavior. He was alone with some other boys who happened to be brothers when he supposedly did these things. After looking in to it, it seemed like a mutual scrap to us, but it concerned us terribly. I didn’t respond well to him. I blamed him and assumed the worst. It’s hard for me to understand people like my son, especially since I was a very good boy and worked very hard to be the “perfect” boy when I was that age. He’s a good kid– usually– but with ADHD and all, perfection just isn’t even on his radar (nor should it be– I now wish it hadn’t been on mine). Still, the incident shook us enough to get some help through a well known organization in this town. We needed that help for our family at that critical time.
- We started attending a Latin Mass parish regularly. I had some serious reservations about it (and, frankly, sometimes I still do). Not that I don’t love the liturgy and appreciate the customs the Latin Mass community keeps alive, but it is commonly known that there is what I would call a “rigorist” streak in those circles, and rigorism is the last thing I needed to help with said bad habits mentioned above. Still, I’ve never felt so welcomed, nor gone to a Latin Mass parish so alive and joyful, as the one I have been privileged to attend for these past several years. The beauty of the liturgy there really does flow over in to whole parish life, at least as much as one might expect this side of heaven.
- Right before my last day at work, someone lost control on the icy freeway and hit our car. Although our beloved Santa Fe was fully driveable and apparently only dented, the car was totaled (by someone who, inconveniently for us, had forgotten to renew her insurance). We hated to lose that car, but the few thousand dollars we got were a Godsend. Between it and the “departure” package my old company graciously gave me, we could hang on financially for a few months before having to move in with family (which was and absolutely remains my nightmare scenario– love my families (both sides) dearly, but it’s a machismo guy thing of mine to value my independence).
- We worked things out with my old partners (job 1). What E wrote in July ’13 reflects my own feelings at the time, but after thinking about my time there more, I believe that although what we agreed on was less than the book value of my shares, I think was fair on the whole, and it allowed me to pay off a lot of debt I owed. That’s all a really wish to say, other than the healing of that relationship can now continue, and I am grateful for that.
- It became apparent by the end of this year that E’s grandmother and mother would be leaving to go to God in weeks or months, and not years.
- So, Christmas that year was bittersweet. The time of healing and rest had ended– the ordeal was coming back in full force. The question was, this time, could I face the consequences of my own decisions and take life on its own terms, or would I try to hide and escape as I had in the past? Still, I think both E and I were determined to handle adversity a little better this time around, and, in writing this, it is apparent that God was already in a mysterious way working to give us the support we would need in the upcoming months….